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September 17, 2006

Neglect not your physical health

I know that we spend a lot of time here focusing on our mental health, but as I sit trying to swallow around the burning lump in my throat, focusing my aching eyes on my computer screen, I am not so subtly reminded of the mind-body connection.

The mind and the body are entwined in mysterious ways but it's no secret that one influences the other; to what extent, we'll likely never know but I believe that "enough" is sufficient quantification for me. It's difficult to keep your spirits up when you feel lousy, but cold and flu are inevitable (unless you live in some sort of bubble) so let's discuss coping mechanisms for when your body rebels, and ways to stave off illness as long as possible.

You know how the saying goes, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, so when it comes to getting sick, avoidance is the best policy. Make a note of that, since it's one of the few contexts you will ever hear me advocate avoidance! How do you avoid getting sick? Well, there's a lot of common sense involved here. Let's make a list.

1. Good nutrition is the cornerstone of good health. Make sure you get enough calories in your day, eat at consistent intervals, and get appropriate percentages of nutrients from high quality sources. That means you can't get 2000 calories in a day from ice cream and expect to feel good. Nutrition Data can provide you with a recommended range for carbohydrates, protein, and fat to help you determine how best to meet your nutritional goals. For someone my age, height, and weight:

   Recommended Ranges

   Carbohydrate: 45 to 65% of total Calories

   Fat: 20 to 35% of total Calories

   Protein: 10 to 35% of total Calories

   Sites like FitDay can help you keep track of where your calories are coming from every day, as well as log your activity (and both sites are free).



2. Adequate hydration is more important than most of us realize. Now, don't go overboard because there is such a thing as water poisoning which happens when you drink too much water and don't replace things like electrolytes and salt, but do make sure you get your recommended 64 oz. per day. I suffered, unknowingly, for years, from chronic dehydration. I used to make jokes about being like a kangaroo rat and getting my water from food. It's not funny. I don't think I ever realized how sick I could make myself from chronic dehydration. When I began training in martial arts, I had to make several lifestyle changes but two of the most important were learning to breathe, and drink more water. Making those two changes erased several chronic health problems from which i had suffered for so long. So drink plenty of water, and while you're at it, cut back on caffeine, carbonated beverages, and fruit juice too. Some drinks act as a diuretic, causing you to LOSE water that you actually need. Some contribute to health problems like acid reflux or diabetes. If you want to make sure you get your fruit servings, eat a piece of fruit, and leave the fruit juice for special occasions.


3. I hammer this one into the ground on a regular basis, but it's so important: GET YOUR BEAUTY REST! Make sure you get 8 hours of rest a day. People who say they function on 6 hours, yes, you do, but your body takes the hit in the long run in many silent ways. Chronic sleep deprivation can lead to a host of health problems, not to mention contribute to mood swings. So get to bed. Alternatively, getting more than 10 hours of sleep can actually make you feel worse, so try not to sleep too much. Limit naps to ensure you make it to bed at a reasonable hour at night.


4. Consider taking a supplement. Women especially frequently do not get enough folic acid or calcium from their diet and many women suffer quietly with various vitamin and mineral deficiencies. I take a simple multivitamin formulated for women. I have some friends who swear by Floradix--a great liquid vitamin formulation for women who suffer from anemia as it has a highly digestible form of iron.


5. Wash your hands. You don't need antibacterial soap, but you should wash your hands through two refrains of "Happy Birthday" and keep your hands out of your eyes, mouth, and nose. I carry a small container of hand sanitizer for particularly grody circumstances, like trips to the doctor's office or on the subway.


6. Some pharmacists recommend the following remedy for when you feel a cold about to come on:

   Take 2 zinc tablets a day (1 in am,1 in pm) and 1000mg vitamin C 4 times a day
   (am,noon,dinner and bedtime).

   NOTE: You should always consult your physician before taking supplements or reading stuff on the internet. I am not a doctor and I don't claim to know you, or any specifics of your personal health, including whether your internal organs are ok with megadoses of vitamins. I am simply parroting what I have heard from several sources.



7. Some people swear by "Airborne" though I have never tried it.


8. Limit contact with sick people. That means you have to make judgment calls on a regular basis. If my son has the sniffles and wants a kiss I have a choice, kiss him, or scream "cooties!" and run. Generally, I kiss him after I have wiped his face, so I know I take a calculated risk. I do not, however, eat off his plate, share a banana or lollipop, or share my water bottle or a cup with him. Or with anyone. That's how people get mono, you know.


9. Keep a clean house. Regularly wipe counters, change sheets (in particular, pillow cases), wipe tables, and clean surfaces that are in frequent contact with grody hands. I wash doorknobs periodically. Don't forget remote controls, chair backs, refrigerator and cabinet handles, and toys! Also, you should change your toothbrush every couple of months and every time you're sick.


10. Limit your use of cold medicine. Cold medicine treats symptoms but not underlying sickness. You have those symptoms so your body can clear out the bad stuff. If you prevent your body from clearing the bad stuff, all it does is back up. You will end up sick longer or worse, a small cold can easily turn into a sinus infection. Let nature take its course and if you're really miserable, a little cold medicine isn't going to kill you. I usually only take it at night before I try to sleep if I cannot sleep without it and I never take it for more than one or two days--take it for three and then wonder why you're so stuffed up you want to die. I got a sinus infection that way once, never again.


11. Use stress reduction techniques. Viruses and bacteria are opportunistic and look for easy targets. A person under stress suppresses their immune system and become freash meat and easier pickins for parasitic invaders. Boost your immune system and reduce your stress for better health.

Sometimes you can't help it and you get sick. All the things you did to prevent illness apply when you're sick, but it's now harder to implement them. You may not have much of an appetite, be unable to keep down food, or be so congested you can't sleep. Consult with your doctor about the best treatment for your particular illness, and do your best to stick to the measures we know give your body the best odds of fighting off infection. The side effect of this self-care will be a healthier body, and incidentally, some improvement or predictability in your mental health.

I am going to go take my own advice now and get some sleep so I can fight off whatever it is I am coming down with. As frustrating as it is to be sick, it was worth it for one slightly slobbery toddler kiss.

Posted by lunasmom at 11:31 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 15, 2006

Parent-centric Discussion

A lot of the "articles" I write here are very parent-centric. My feeling is that there is plenty of literature that teaches men and women how to tell if their child is sick, when to take them to the doctor, whether they should use cloth or disposable diapers, and how to discipline a toddler. There is less literature available that tells parents how normal they are to feel abnormal while they go through this phase of life.

So many men and women are taught about the beauty of raising a child that they are slapped in the face when the reality is that while it's true, raising a child is beautiful, it's by no means easy. It's not easy from the perspective of teaching your child to survive in this world, nor from the perspective of surviving your child's childhood.

Women aren't warned that breastfeeding, while totally natural, isn't something necessarily intuitive--it can be frustrating enough that many women don't give it a chance to work. Men aren't warned that love doesn't necessarily happen at first sight and it's okay to learn to love your newborn. Women aren't warned that they may be lonely and feel stifled staying home with their child; being a stay at home parent can be very isolating in this day and age. The ease with which we travel has caused families to drift over large distances, diffusing the natural support system a women would have had 200 years ago. We are surrounded by strangers and it's no wonder we feel alone.

When we have anxiety and depression and confusion surrounding what we've been taught is a blessed event, it only causes self-recrimination, shame, and increasing anxiety and depression that somehow we are deficient and it's not the way things should be. The more we open this dialogue, however, the more we will learn that so many of us share these same fears and feelings of inadequacy and frustration.

Mom, dad:

It's okay to want a break from your kid. You have years to love him and/or her, go see that movie you've been dying to see.

It's normal to feel lost and alone. Really. Even those put together moms and dads have moments of confusion and doubt.

It's normal to look at your newborn and not "get it." Love isn't always instantaneous but it doesn't mean you won't bond. It doesn't make you monstrous either, it makes you rather normal.

It's normal to want to rip out your hair over the sound of your baby crying. If mother nature hadn't programmed children to make the most irritating sound on the planet, you might be less inclined to go and check on your precious bundle. It's why mother nature made them so round and wide-eyed, so that even through your irritation, you will look at their faces and say "It's a good thing you're so fucking cute..."

It's normal for your child to turn two or three or four and for you to want to leave him or her to be raised by wolves. It is just not okay to act on it. Toddlers and preschoolers--it's their job to test boundaries and limits and to learn by doing, even if it's the most aggravating activity humanly possible. My son broke into the fridge once and cracked 13 eggs onto a plate he retrieved from the dishwasher. He put the shells down the drain and we had to pay our plumber to snake the drain. At first I was mortified and a little pissed and then I thought to myself "You know, that kid's actually pretty smart." He kept cracking the eggs because he couldn't figure out why they weren't coming out scrambled. He could have woken us (it was probably 6am and he was really stealthy) but he figured he could and would help himself. That's pretty smart, if kind of annoying.

No one's house is as clean as it looks. I know a slew of people just like me who post pictures of their kids or pets on the internet and crop out the mess, or strategically place the toddler in the one clean corner of the room. I'll fess up: I have two dogs and a cat. There are tumbleweeds of fur that blow through my living room and I sweep an okay amount. There's crayon on my kitchen windows and my bathroom needs a wash. We won't discuss the clutter hiding in the basement or the current state of the remodeling going on upstairs. Some people have help and if you can afford it, I think it's a great burden to get rid of. One of our biggest sources of stress is the mess and the neverending parade of laundry. If we had the money, I'd outsource that in a heartbeat. Absolutely.

The internet has given us an increasing amount of access to other people's living rooms, but it's also given us the capacity to skew the view. Many people appear more put together than they are because no one wants to "look bad" in front of friends. I propose more honesty in the parenting world. lunasdad is panicking right now about the mess our house is and I say, you know, we're having a toddler party tomorrow afternoon. Anyone who will be there has kids and understands it's a challenge to keep a clean house. Anyone who would judge us based on the neatness of a 3 year old's toys is not worth knowing. But I can't think of a person I know who would do that.

Learn to pick your battles. Prioritize the things that are important to you and remember that you are never as alone as you think or feel.

Posted by lunasmom at 9:47 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Comments now require authentication

The spamming was getting really bad so I have returned to Typekey authentication for commenting. I was able to reconfigure my settings so that authentication is no longer broken. If you encounter a problem trying to leave a comment, please email me at lunasmom at luna-fish dot com. Thanks!

lunasmom

Posted by lunasmom at 9:44 PM | TrackBack

September 13, 2006

Birthday wishes for my boy

Yesterday was my son's birthday. I wrote this for him yesterday:

"Today you are three. I swung you on the swings yesterday and I told you 'Tomorrow is your birthday and you'll be three years old.' Then you proceeded to tell me you'd be four, then five, then six seven eightnineten!

I told you there was plenty of time to be ten, just enjoy being three right now. You laughed and told me to push you higher. I love you, my little bunny rabbit."

I occasionally have these profound, you only read that in a book, moments with my son. A few months back, he was playing in my car. I sat next to him and watched him pretend to drive, with me as his passenger. I opened the sun roof for him and he enjoyed popping his head back in and out, laughing all the while. Then, he put his head through the roof, tilted his head back, and looked up at a beautiful, blue, cloud-dotted sky. Then he said to me "Mama, I want to fwy." I looked at him and I told him "I wish I could teach you to fly, but, I don't know how to fly." Again he told me "I want to fwy." I thought about it and told him "Well, maybe someday" to which he responded "Yeah, someday."

You may not be a bird, my little bunny rabbit, but I have no doubt that some day you will fly. My son is three. I love him more every day.

Posted by lunasmom at 10:15 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Dealing with Toxic Family

I've found that no one triggers me like my family does. I can't have a conversation with my brother or my father without it degenerating into stony silence or a screaming match. This reason is at the #2 spot on my list of reasons why I no longer have a relationship with my nuclear family (#1 is violence).

The people who know you best know the best ways to manipulate you, break your heart, and piss you off. They also rely on the idea that blood sticks with blood and no matter how bad I treat you, you'll still be my family. To quote Sting, "I don't subscribe to this point of view." Yes, family has the tools to hurt you like no one else can, but to me, toxic family is worse than no family. My health and wellbeing has to come before any outdated notions of familial loyalty, where respect isn't earned it's automatically accrued by virtue of blood.

For me, it's meant breaking a pattern of engaging in fruitless, counterproductive communication with members of my family. It's a trap: I'm asked for help, there's an ulterior motive or a "right answer" I give an honest, educated opinion and then I get slammed for not saying what the person wants to hear. A friend of mine recently had a similar scenario, and it's what brought this to mind.

What I've learned in the course of my journey so far is that there are very few things in this world that I can control and a lot more that I can't. I cannot control how other people see me, how they treat me, or what they tell other people. I can't even control how I feel. I can, however, control how I respond to events in my life and in learning to make better, more productive, HEALTHIER choices, I can minimize the damage other people do to my wellbeing and I can minimize my own self-sabotage.

I can't control how my family treats me, but I can refuse to engage them at their own game. In denying them this opportunity to manipulate me, I've denied them an opportunity to trigger me. I've also deprived myself of the "satisfaction" of escalating conflict and sabotaging myself by getting into an argument no one can win.

It took me a long time to get to this point. It's been a lot of frustrationg, throwing myself at the same wall wondering why my family couldn't just love me, and I am sure, them wondering the same about me. it's okay to grow up in the same house with everyone else and develop a totally different value system. It's ok to stick to your guns and live the life you want to live, especially if your family has some negative pattern behavior. CBT is a great form of therapy for helping you figure out what patterns are negative and finding ways to productively break those patterns and learn to make better decisions.

I've also delved a little into philosophy at times, or the self-help section of the library. I can even recommend a few books:

Epictetus's Enchiridion Epictetus was a philospher in the stoic tradition. The Enchiridion is a digested form of his philosophy compiled by one of his pupils. His full writings, or what remains of them, are contained in "The Discourses" You can find a translated edition of the Discourses in your local library or online. This is one version: Epictetus, The Discourses (The Handbook, Fragments), Everyman Edition, Edited by Christopher Gill, ISBN 0-460-87312-1, 2003.

I am also a fan of Thich Nhat Han. He has several books available, all written in the Buddhist tradition. Occasionally redundant as a writer, nonetheless, the message is sound.

Finally, I offer the old CBT standby Feeling Good (Handbook) and Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and UpdatedTogether they form a kind of text and workbook of cognitive behavioral therapy, allowing you to "workshop" some of your negative patterns.

Posted by lunasmom at 9:37 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Working on issues when you feel good

People with depression or bipolar disorder often stop taking their medications when they feel good again. This phenomenon is not limited to mental health either, people do it with antibiotics as well. We figure, "I feel better, I don't need this anymore" and then try to go about our lives as we did before we got sick, and wonder why we're sick again.

When the next swing hits, it often takes people by surprise "I thought I was better, but I guess not." They turn back to treatment. Some people find that medication that used to work for them, no longer works the same way, if at all. It's more difficult to begin a new treatment plan from a complete halt than it is to change paths when you already have some momentum.

Wellness is about committing to a long-term strategy for health, whether it's mental or physical or both. Often, it means working on your issues, taking precautions, and developing contingencies while you feel good. Many people wait until they feel bad or are in crisis before they ask for help then discontinue the treatment when they feel better, or worse, never feel better. Long-term wellness means taking measures to ensure no gaps in your treatment and "saving for a rainy day."

What do I mean by that? Take pregnancy and maternity leave as an example.

1. You know that there's a definite point in the future when you will be out of commission.
2. You also know that until then you will have good days and bad days during your pregnancy, and that in the days leading up to your leave and total decommissioning, you will likely feel increasingly worse. You will swell and twinge and ache, you may feel nauseated and uninterested in eating.
3. But right now, you feel great. You have energy, you are glowing with the excitement of impending parenthood. So what do you do? You make arrangements for the time you will be out, you find a good doctor to deliver your baby, you find coverage for sick days, and you nest.

Being bipolar is kind of like being pregnant, without the bundle of joy at the end. Why not treat it the same way, as something to make arrangements for, plan around? Why is it that, when we feel good, we ignore the fact that tomorrow we might not? If we treated bipolar disorder like a pregnancy, we might have better odds of long-term wellness. What does that mean?

1. Accept that some days you will feel good, and some days you won't
2. Find a good doctor early so that when you really need help, you have an established relationship with a trusted healthcare provider. You may need a team of doctors: psychiatrist for med management, psychologist for therapy, your general practitioner to keep up with your treatment schedule and consult with physical health issues like thyroid problems, kidney and liver function, etc.
3. Take care of household issues--clean, make repairs, organize, purchase tools, etc. when you still feel able; a stable household is an investment in your family, yourself, and your house
4. Make arrangements now for supplemental help--draw up an emergency plan with your doctor, keep a current address book with phone numbers and addresses of people who will support you when you are sick; enlist the help of friends, family, neighbors, or professional aides (like finding a good laundromat where you can drop off laundry, or a cleaning company where you can hire someone to help you through a depression jag). Do the research and planning now so it's easy to implement a system when you need it.
5. Make financial arrangements--sock away some emergency money for things like take out, cleaners, laundromat, ER copay, emergency medication, whatever you might need to spend money on when you're feeling unwell. If you're prone to manic spending, then maybe save a little money for financial planning services
6. Talk to a financial planner, find a book in your library, or research financial planning on the web, to help you determine a realistic budget, long-term spending and saving plan, short-term emergency savings plan, debt management, etc. Ignoring debt will only cause more stress long term. Making arrangements now will help you meet your obligations, take the mystery out of your situation so you worry less, and will help you afford emergencies as they arise.
7. Just as you would develop a delivery plan with your OB, develop a long-term treatment plan with your doctors. Then commit to it. If your plan includes medication, take your medication consistently, even when you feel well. If it includes complementary medicine, like yoga, meditation, therapy, or accupuncture, again, stick with it. Your wellness is the sum of the total treatment plan and if you're inconsistent with your treatment, you're essentially committing self-sabotage.

My point is to capitalize on this good time so you can enjoy it more in the long-run, shorten the bad times, and cause less damage to yourself, long-term. Being well isn't about treating the symptoms when you feel bad, it's about developing a comprehensive, long-term plan, making a long-term commitment to yourself and treatment, and adapting your lifestyle to accomodate wellness AND sickness. YOU are your own best advocate. No one takes care of you better.

Posted by lunasmom at 8:43 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 4, 2006

The Icarus Project

http://theicarusproject.net/

The Icarus Project is, from their web site:

"...a non-profit community based website, support network, and underground media project created by and for people struggling with bipolar disorder and other dangerous gifts that are commonly labeled as mental illnesses. We believe that when we learn to take care of ourselves, the intertwined threads of madness and creativity can be tools of inspiration and hope in a repressed and damaged world. Our goal is to help people like ourselves feel less alienated, and to allow us—both as individuals and as a community—to tap into the true potential that lies between brilliance and madness."

I am always wary, due to my own experience, of support groups and online forums where bipolar people congregate. While the support can be uplifting, talking about your unique issues with people who can understand your struggle on a fundamental and primal level, it is also possible to feed off negative or manic energy, or to lose site of yourself as a person, identifying too much as a disease.

That being said, I think this site is worth checking out. I am a believer in creative forms of expression as a form of therapy, both in sickness AND in health. While anything to extremes can turn into an unhealthy coping mechanism, all forms of art can be a wonderful catharsis. I like that it can be as public or personal as you desire.

This web site takes a look at that connection between "madness" and creativity, as is often discussed in bipolar literature. I thought you all might appreciate it. This is neither an endorsement nor condemnation of the site, it's just me passing along a little info.

lunasmom

Posted by lunasmom at 8:42 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

My weekend

When we moved in to our house, the front of the house was a little more symmetrical, but generally very bland without much life. On either side of the stairs are two yew shrubs, then there was a eunoymus and a barberry (one on each side).

In the spring, I worked on the left, front of my house, adding some new plants, and changing the shape of the plant bed. I wanted it to look fuller and more vibrant. I left the right side alone, as it was a different kind of challenge and I wasn't up for it yet.

This weekend I decided I had to fix it, so I went out and bought some new plants to fill in the right side of the front of the house, and to add some life on the actual right side of the house.

Before I planted today, I moved some old stuff around. The plants were placed in such a way by the previous owners that they didn't make much sense for long-term growth and they didn't seem happy. I know I wasn't happy with them, as the space was very very dry and empty looking.

Then, I started putting plants in the ground:

I got several mum plants, and two of those cute bird statues.

Then, I planted coreopsis plants:


I bought four of those in total, two for the front of the house, and two for the side.

Behind everything, I added a trellis for some myrtle and what I think might be periwinkle:

I added a bushy hibiscus, with peach flowers. You can see it on the right in this picture, which shows the new right front of my house:

I bought two hibiscus, one for the front of the house, which is bushy, and one for the side that has been trained into a tree shape. This is the one I planted on the side:

The other two coreopsis plants are on either side of this plant.

The last plant I put in the ground is a kind of hibiscus called a Rose of Sharon and will be quite tall when it's done:

I purchased tulip bulbs, hyacinth bulbs, and some other random bulbs for spring. My plan is to plant bulbs whenever I need to get out of the house and away from my computer for a while. Over the course of September, I can just go dig in the dirt instead of mope.

I feel so good, and felt so good this whole weekend, even though I am tired and sore. Gardening is so restorative and yet so productive, as well.

Every mom needs a hobby, needs to get out of the house, and needs some physical exertion. I got all of those this weekend: I got to dig, pull, lift, carry, and walk around my property for two days straight; I spent an entire sunny day with my lovely neighbor, shooting the breeze, enjoying some time to feel like a woman and an adult; I spent two days in the sun doing something that will make my house more attractive. I met new people in the neighborhood and I discovered a deeper love of gardening and a new hobby.

Every parent needs an activity that they find rewarding that they do independent of their family. Parents who struggle with depression may find it more difficult to find these activities, but also likely need them more and find them just as, if not more, rewarding. Taking the first step is usually the hardest part. For me, I had to give myself permission to fail. I did the research, to find out how to give my plants a good chance of living, and then...I had to learn to be okay with the idea of the plants not thriving. This activity isn't about winning or failing, it's about spending some time with myself, learning something new, learning from other people sometimes (like my neighbor) and finding something outside of the family to share with other people. It's about personal enrichment independent of anyone else in the world, which is what builds self-esteem.

Doing independent things, especially things that scare you, are important to building self-confidence and esteem, a positive sense of self. I am clannish, I like to do things with my family and I tend to hibernate if they are not available. I've been working on pushing myself out of this habit, though. Volunteering at a local food co-op, the shelter, gardening, all independent of anyone else...these activities all work to foster my independence, a can-do/will-do attitude, and a sense of capability.

Many of us find that parenting leaves us without a sense of control, at least at times. Finding independent activities is a good way to create a sense of control and balance in life without going to th extremes, like developing OCD or eating disorders. I am learning to replace unhealthy coping mechanisms, like avoidance behaviors, with healthier, more productive alternatives. Gardening is one way for me to get everything I need in one place.

Take some time to cultivate your own "garden" and you will be astonished at the ways you grow.

Posted by lunasmom at 8:06 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack