December 27, 2007
It's that time of year again
The end of a year also marks a new beginning; for many people, it is a time for personal reflection, assessment, and goal setting. I have been treading water in 2007, with two children, a full time job, and household concerns. I have spent the last few days reflecting on the past year and, in particular, on my goals: what I've achieved and where I still need to see improvement.
For people who suffer from mental health disorders, goal-setting, prioritizing, and all the tasks related to life planning and high functioning, can seem overwhelming. If you look too closely at the big picture, you may feel that your goals are unattainable. I have noticed that many parents, not just parents with depression et al., struggle with five main areas of functioning: Framework, Fitness, Focus, Finances, and Fun.
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July 30, 2007
Don't try to master the hill in one day.
When you are dealing with depression or anxiety or mania, or any number of other dysfunctions, it's incredibly important to be realistic about your capabilities. There is no shame in recognizing your own limitations, especially if you are working to make yourself stronger in weak areas.
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July 29, 2007
Perspective on a Sunday morning
You know those days where you wake up angry at the world that you're awake? You wake up to the cat puking in your shoe, or your kid's exploded diaper. This morning, that was me. I was tired, my son woke up in a pool of urine, and the baby was ready for round two of his early morning nurse-a-thon. I was not. There are no clean sheets which doesn't matter because my son has no intention of going back to bed--he's hungry, and ready for breakfast. Of course, there's no cereal and there's no way I am coherent enough to make pancakes before dawn.
I head out to the only store open before the sun is up, which is the friendly neighborhood QuikCheck. I pay $10 for a small box of Cheerios and head back home. Enter: Perspective.
No matter that I am tired, bitter about the cost of cereal and having to run a bath at an unholy hour. As I hit the rotary near my house, and I am waiting for some cars to pass, I am hit with a wave of shame. I woke up to two healthy, happy children this morning. I woke to a husband who promised to take the next shift when I returned from the store and I awoke to sleepy, wagging tails.
I did not awaken to the need to dial 9-1-1. My prayers go out to the family following the Advanced Paramedic Life Support unit this morning. I am content with my slice of humble pie this beautiful Sunday morning.
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April 5, 2007
Personal Update
I have scheduled my c-section for May 2nd. This baby is getting evicted at 7:30am; I have to be at the hospital at 6am.
I developed asthma in my last trimester and, like with my last pregnancy, I developed gestational diabetes as well. At my last appointment the baby was breech though it appears that this week he has turned.
There were too many strikes against me for anyone to really promote a VBAC, so the c-section stands. If I go into labor beforehand, and the baby doesn't turn again, they will let me try to deliver naturally. Otherwise, on May 2nd, the bun is coming out of the oven.
I've had a lot of grief this whole pregnancy, from the severe, depleting morning sickness, to insurance changes, to changing obstetricians at almost 30 weeks, to the asthma, and now diabetes. I'm tired, I'm worn out, and frankly, I'm looking well-worn around the edge and kind of haggard. Noticing this, my doctor has placed me on almost immediate disability. They almost set it up so I couldn't return to work tomorrow, but relented and set the date for Monday instead; Friday will be my last day until I return to work in July.
I am so glad that disability programs exist. I am seriously perilously close to having a meltdown from sheer mental and emotional exhaustion, not to mention physical exhaustion and discomfort and pain, so the disability is really coming in the nick of time.
I hope to be around some during my leave but obviously, a new baby is a big deal, so I may be brief. Or I may ramble, who knows?
Wish us luck!
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April 4, 2007
Failure is inevitable
It's how we deal with failure that is the true judge of character.
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March 18, 2007
Conflict Resolution: Dealing with Difficult People
At this time, this post is less a how-to and more of a confession.
I am an impatient, know-it-all, Type A, control-freak who often has to deal with people who are also control-freaks. The problem that I have is that those people often know that they are asking me to do something that goes against policy, procedure, process, or best practices but because that's what they want, I have to deliver.
I often find this difficult to swallow. I am not so much a perfectionist as I am extremely protective of my values and work ethic, and of the best practices that are tried and true because they make sense, are cost-effective, and save time. I am not an office-politics player and frankly, I don't really play nice with other children that well either. I work best independently or in a position of authority where my experience is respected.
I think that accountability is important, professionally and personally, and anything that blurs the line between who is accountable is, to me, a bad idea. Not because I like to point fingers and lay blame, but because no one grows by not owning their mistakes or by owning someone else's mistakes.
Unfortunately, my personality often causes me to come off as aggressive, intimidating, or occasionally even hostile and uncooperative. Usually, by the time it gets to that point, it's been identified that I am dealing with a difficult person or situation. Unfortunately, fighting fire with fire is not always the best course of action.
The problem is that I don't really see a good way to put out the fire. It is not in my nature to simply roll over and give in to every flight of fancy someone else gets in their head. I don't like to say no, but usually requests are reasonable and when they are not, usually the requestor is reasonable and understands why the request shouldn't be accommodated. I am in a unique situation these days where the request is unreasonable and the requestor is unreasonable and I am stuck having to disagree and commit far more often than I like.
My strategy for this, at present, is actually to do one thing: I signed up for a class that is required for my major anyway. It's called Conflict Resolution and Team Dynamics and I think that it should be useful both personally and professionally. I have some high hopes for it and will be sharing what I learn as I learn it.
I can't say that I feel particularly motivated to learn how to deal with difficult people since my true feeling is that they should just ask for reasonable things, ha ha, but given that this is not going to be a theme that goes away, and will be relevant my whole life, personally and through the course of my career, I think it's as good a time as any to look into better ways to handle these kinds of situations.
Posted by lunasmom at 12:19 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
March 17, 2007
Procrastination Personalities: Taking Care of Business Today, not Tomorrow
"Procrastinators often know exactly what they should be doing, even if they cannot do it."
I am a procrastinator. As a bipolar parent and someone who struggles to be high-functioning without medication, it's really important to me that I learn better coping mechanisms for procrastination and related avoidance behaviors. The above quote was a statement that stood out for me in an online academic skills article I read recently about procrastination.
I grew up a child of chaos. There was little constancy in my life for certain kinds of things and I was in charge of myself very young. As a result, I never really developed the good habits that help people get through the day and keep on top of things in their life that must be done...even simple things, like brushing my teeth every night before bedtime.
As capable a person as I am, I have always suffered from feeling easily overwhelmed by situations, which was exacerbated by being put in situations over my head very often as a child. I learned to fend for myself early, but am only learning now as an adult how to be truly independent. I am easily mentally fatigued and my favorite way of dealing with a problem or chore is avoidance; often as a child I developed headaches or stomach aches from the stress of worrying about the problem or chore, so managed to avoid it by making myself sick.
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January 23, 2007
Interesting site: Positive Psychology
http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/
"Dr. Martin Seligman is Chairman of the University of Pennsylvania Positive Psychology Center and founder of Positive Psychology, a new branch of psychology which focuses on the empirical study of such things as positive emotions, strengths-based character, and healthy institutions. His research has demonstrated that it is possible to be happier — to feel more satisfied, to be more engaged with life, find more meaning, have higher hopes, and probably even laugh and smile more, regardless of one’s circumstances. Positive psychology interventions can also lastingly decrease depression symptoms. The research underlying these rigorously tested interventions is presented in the July/August edition of the American Psychologist, the journal of the American Psychology Association."
Now, my interest in this site sparked because of the questionnaires it offers, but the idea behind the site is interesting and theoretically, I am on board but I must warn that I have not extensively studied the site and cannot therefore endorse it, per se. But feel free to email me what you think at lunasmom at luna-fish dot com.
Posted by lunasmom at 7:32 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (1)
Are optimists made or conceived?
I was reading another blog on management here (which references a question posed by this blog here). Interesting to note is that the question is posed in response to reading Kay Redfield Jamison's newest book "Exuberance" which I have not read. I will say that in general I have had several issues with the opinions of Ms. Jamison mostly because I think she brings a very strong opinion to the bipolar table, uses her status as an authority to speak as though all bipolar people have one voice, and that she speaks from the background of someone who is bipolar I, and does not adequately, in my opinion, address the issues faced by those of us with treatment resistant forms of bipolar disorder, like rapid cycling bipolar type II. That said! I thought it was an interesting question: Are optimists born or made?
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Posted by lunasmom at 7:23 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
January 8, 2007
Sometimes, what we really need is a hug.
My son had a rough morning today. He usually awakens before anyone else in the house, including the dogs (but excepting the cat who has just not gone to bed yet). He usually plays quietly while I lay in bed considering my day ahead of me and enjoying his quiet morning sounds.
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Posted by lunasmom at 12:40 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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